Not Earthly Confidence

Self Confidence...

Matthew 15:21-28 “Jesus went away from there, and withdrew into the district of Tyre and Sidon. And a Canaanite woman from that region came out and began to cry out, saying, “Have mercy on me, Lord, Son of David; my daughter is cruelly demon-possessed.” But He did not answer her a word. And His dsciples came and impored Him, saying, “Send her away, because she keeps shouting at us.” But He answered and said, “I was sent only to the lost sheep of the house of Israel.” But she came and began to bow down before Him, saying, “Lord, help me!” And He answered and said, “It is not good to take the children's bread and throw it to the dogs.” But she said, “Yes Lord; but even the dogs feed on the crumbs which fall from their masters' table.” Then Jesus said to her, “O woman, your faith is great; it shall be done for you as you wish.” And her daughter was healed at once.”

While many people who might read what I write here, and be able to fully grasp what is meant by these verses, God put a hood over my understanding with respect to this scripture. Every verse I have ever read has made sense; made sense in the context of the rest of scripture. This verse was a mystery to me. Why would Christ, who came to save all the world, refuse to speak with, let alone help a Canaanite woman.

This passage was powerful to me, and not because I understood what it meant; because I didn't know what it meant. For so long confidence has characterized who I am. It is present in every aspect of my character and has in many ways made me successful. My confidence in my speaking, my confidence in my thought, my confidence in my writing, all of it has awed peers, judges, and teachers. This awe often times turn to praise and like a dog rewarded for a trick I have made confidence an ingrained part of my personality. Although it is one of my greatest strengths, it is one of my greatest weaknesses as well. Confidence in how I communicate my thoughts in debate has again and again hidden the truth and distracted from the facts. This confidence has brought success when I deserved defeat, has brought me praise when I should receive scorn. I have had judges walk up to me, shake my hand and congratulate me on a job well done when I know that what I did was skillful rhetoric which blinded them to the truth the other debaters were trying to bring out. This confidence has also affected my relationship with my parents, preventing me from communicating properly with them. This verse has brought me to a startling halt when it comes to my ability to discern the meaning in scripture. For so long I rested confident in my ability to read and understand scripture. That confidence came to a shattering halt when I read this passage. I often imagined myself giving a ten minute mini sermon on any verses handed to me. Yet if I had been handed these, I would have come up empty handed.

I sat for hours trying to decipher the meaning of this passage, refusing in my mind to go to others to find the answer. The more context to the situation I read, the more back ground I dug up, the less I understood. Jesus had come to this earth to wipe away the line that separated the House of Israel from the gentiles, and yet here a gentile comes to Him and He refuses to even speak with her until she demonstrated faith. Obviously Christ as fully God had the capability to see into her soul, yet He did not. Why? I came to the conclusion, that I would not be able to come to a conclusion. I laid down the bible, closed my eyes and thanked God for showing me how small my skills really are. I thanked Him for demonstrating to me how my confidence in my life was misplaced.

I went to my father, and my favorite elder and spoke with them. The answer made me smile at the irony God had worked in my life through this passage. They explained how Christ effectively tested the faith of this woman, and I realized while Christ indeed had the power to see through her the test forced her to make her faith real. Similar to how I feel I could stand in front of a gun and proclaim my undying faith to God, it is not until that faith is put to the test that it becomes real to myself in a whole new way. It was for her benefit that Christ put her through the test, even though He could have simply known that her faith was indeed real. In the same way Christ tested me. He brought me to a point of realization of a truth I had not seen before. Now yes, Christ could have opened my eyes to the meaning of the passage, but by forcing me to go for help He accomplished much more. He broke a perspective of confidence in my heart and mind. One which has done more damage to my life than most all other struggles I have.

I thank God for His work in my life...