Stranded in life

I have felt for sometime that I am stuck in life. I do not do anything each day that has any impact on the greater picture of my life. Each day seems a life of its own, without relevance or impact on those that follow. We've all seen movies or read books in which a man is stuck reliving the same day over and over again. Each day is a little different but he is stuck in the same place in time. We all imagine and shudder at the thought of being stuck in a life like that. But I feel like I am living that very horror. Worse still is that those who might make the day worth living over and over again actually advance and move on without me. I watch friends and loved ones move on up through life, entering college and jobs while I am stuck at home literally doing nothing.

My situation is an interesting one. I have been since before my graduation been trying to process my application into the Texas Army National Guard. The Army National Guard was my dream, to be the citizen soldier, and equally important was also my ticket to college tuition. The process that I have been in to date totals well over six months of time I have spent trying to join the army. Probably a record of some sort. The trouble is fairly simple in nature when explained but has taken much longer than a person could have imagined. It started when I was filling out a page on the medical information forms. I checked that yes I had at one time had a passing out disorder. They wanted medical documentation on that. I submitted that and after a great amount of time processing I was told it was insufficient. I submitted more. This time, after a substantial wait, I was told that the passing out disorder was fine as far as they were concerned but that another issue had come to their attention. A small sentence on one of the many medical documents I submitted to them stated that I had a developmental brain anomaly. This per army regulation this disqualified me.

That would have been the end of the road except that my recruiter told me that by speaking with my congressional representative I might get them to reevaluate my case, possibly with a favorable light. I now had two objectives. The first was to get proof, undeniable incontrovertible undebatable evidence that this brain anomaly was not going to inhibit my duties as a soldier. Secondly, I needed to find and contact my congressional representative so I could convince him and his office to support and resubmit my case. After my parents gracious willingness to pay for three very expensive brain scans and multiple neurological examinations I got my proof. The DVA I had in my brain was benign and would in no way affect my performance. Next step, congressman. I looked up my address and discovered that my congressional representative was Congressman Kevin Brady. God is a masterful weaver of history. It happened that some weeks before I had given a speech at a right to life banquet that Congressman Brady was at and he had expressed he was very impressed with me and my speech. I had even gotten to shake his hand and speak with him after the speaking part of the banquet was over. I contacted his office and two weeks later I got word back. My case had skipped the Military Entrance Processing Station (MEPS) where such matters are usually dealt with, and gone straight to the National Guard Bureau in Arlington Virginia. It is still there, and two weeks have passed. I do not know what my chances are, but I have been informed that it is being evaluated by the top military medical personnel to determine if I will be granted a medical waver for my DVA.

The irritation I faced throughout this entire process and the irritation I still face is this; at any point I could get a call from my recruiter saying my case has gone through and it is time to go. The problem with this is that because of that I cannot commit to any college classes or job positions because I cannot guarantee with any honesty any amount of time with them. As a result I am left at home unemployed without any education going on. I have always despised grownup kids living at home without a job or any ambition. I have ambition, I want to go to college, I want to join the army, I would love nothing more than to move on and up in life! But as things currently stand I cannot. I can say with all assurances that I have put in my due diligence. I have placed dozens of applications at dozens of different work places being as honest as possible about my potential future at that company. Each time the story is the same. They are all looking for someone who can commit longer term.

I believe most people, both adult and young persons, can relate to the utter and total feeling of despair at such a situation. Each morning I wake up in a home far from friends or places I could go for entertainment. Each and every drive my family takes has to be planned because of the gas it takes to get places. As a result I am confined to home most of the week, without recourse to school classes or work commitments. I am stuck. I relive each day over and over again. I do the same exercises on the back deck each morning. I drink the same cup of coffee each day. I play the same computer games, write on the same short stories, watch the same movies, each the same food, and watch the same sunset everyday. I sit alone in the barn loft feeling terrible like life is passing me by week by week. I finally got off Facebook, unable to bare the feeling of watching my friends all move on to new friends and new adventures. I had the same stupid updates to offer. The reason, the same stupid thing was happening day in and day out. What to do?

James and Proverbs have always been my favorite passages. They always seemed to speak to my heart and mind the clearest. Yet as I read them now I read them and imagine when I might be able to apply the concept of preparing my field for a family. I remember back to brushing into my bed room and sitting down at my official computer desk, checking emails, running a dance club, leading a honor society as president, working in a debate club, all the exciting things of a motivated, self-challenging highschooler who was going to go places. And here he sits. In a bed room alone. An older sister about to move out of the house. A younger brother who is now attending outside classes. I am alone it seems.

I cast my mind back to one of my favorite pieces of literature. Robinson Crusoe by Danial Defoe. This is one of my favorite books alongside Count of Monte Cristo. In both of these epic tails a man is stranded by circumstances. In both stories these men find themselves a companion, someone who eventually aids their escape from solitude. Although both are radically different they both have parallels to my situation. In each story however the men walked away from isolation with something new in their hands. In the Count of Monte Cristo he walks away from the prison with a wealth of knowledge from the old prisoner, and a treasure map to a great fortune. In Robinson Crusoe he came off the island with both a friend and a sense of contentment that many men can only dream of. I began to think to myself, what is God trying to accomplish in my life through this time of waiting? What does He want me to learn in this?

I do not know yet, but I shall look in scripture for those answers. I am confident that when God wishes He will reveal to me what He wishes me to learn. Until then I shall live contentedly waiting on my stranded island in life.

Be ye reminded, Life is Precious

Rebekah was standing on the sandy shore, fishing pole in hand, casting her line into the rolling brown waves. I watched smiling thinking of all she had been through over the past two years. I vaguely wondered why we were in Africa but I didn't care, all that matter was Rebekah standing there enjoying herself. Her brown hair, twisted in an incomprehensible knot involving a yellow wood pencil that was topped with a cute tuft of hair was slightly damp from the humidity. Her short white shorts left most of her legs bare to the tanning effect of the sun which she was obviously enjoying. T-shirt sleeves rolled up and eyes forward my sister focused on her bobber. I had another vague thought, my sister didn't like fishing. That didn't matter either, here we were. Suddenly, a long snout with razor sharp teeth bared rose from the sand and with a sideways snap the teeth sunk into my sister's bare white leg. As crimson blood spurted down across the skin and crocodile's jaws. I heard screaming and realized I was hearing my own screams. I leaned forward, drawing up a leg and moving forward in a sprint. I would get to her. I would save her. As I moved I felt as though stuck in slow motion. I struggled with all my might to move faster as I watched the crocodile slither backward taking the one person who I couldn't live without. My sister had always been there for me. From my great heart break to my winning speeches my sister always was standing there as a help voice of support or healing voice of encouragement. Here in her moment of deepest need I felt the hot sand between my toes unable to lift my feet fast enough. I had reached back to my rear pocket where my four and a half inch steel combat folding knife was, but my hand found nothing but a pocket. Frantic and without recourse I leapt out for her outstretched hands. The crocodile's retreat into the waves had pulled her down to the sand and her long delicate fingers crawled at the sand trying to find a hold. My outstretched leap landed my hands only an inch or two from hers. There was a deadened silence as our eyes locked. I could see pain, terror, and despair in her eyes. All in a sudden she was gone; whipped out into the rolling brown waves in a foam of froth and bloody bubbles. My sister was gone. I felt a pain in my chest as my throbbing heart screamed at the loss. As I rolled over the ceiling of my bedroom came into focus and the cold morning air brought me back to consciousness. Such a vivid dream. Too vivd. I had to call my sister and even though I only got her voice mail (this happens often) it felt good to leave her a warning not to go near sandy beaches and brown rolling water.

This dream instilled a brand new appreciation for her life. I don't know where that dream came from. It was the most clear and vivd dream I can remember. The sun still seems to baking my skin and I can almost brush the sand off from between my toes. More importantly the terror of having lost someone so precious as my sister still has my heart unsettled. Maybe thats why I write now. My morning devotion taken from the book of James reads too true. “Every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of the heavenly lights, who does not change like shifting shadows.” James 1:17 Every breath we take is a good gift. It is something we cannot take for granted. As a scientific median a human who lives to be 80 takes an average of 700 million breaths in their life time. That is far too few to be willing to squander. Now I doubt me or my sister will loose our lives to a crocodile, but such a dream is a clear and vivd reminder of the life God has given us and our responsibility to live it to the fullest.

Prune my Life

“Go up through her vine rows and destroy, but do not execute a complete destruction; Strip away her branches, for they are not the Lord's” Jeremiah 5:10

I have been given God's law, I know what it means, and yet I do not practice it. I do not practice justice, I do not seek truth. I do not deserve to be given mercy. May God exercise wrath upon me, may He hack away my branches and purge away the things that do not belong to Him. May this cleanse and free me from all unrighteousness and make me a holy reflection of His son.

Ways of Worship

“Praise the Lord! I will give thanks to the Lord with all my heart, In the company of the upright and in the assembly. Great are the works of the Lord; They are studied by all who delight in them. Splendid and majestic is His work, And His righteousness endures forever. He has made His wonders to be remembered; The Lord is gracious and compassionate. He has given food to those who fear Him; He will remember His covenant forever. He has made known to His people the power of His works, In giving them the heritage of the nations.” Psalm 111

Psalm one eleven, verses one through six, outlines four types of worship, and how these types of worship are to be accomplished. Each of these types of worship are necessary for us to properly glorify God. In addition to what this psalm covers, we must also understand the impacts of us not worshiping Him properly. Lets start at the beginning. The first part of the psalm gives us two of the four types of worship.

Verse one starts out, “Praise the Lord! I will give thanks to the Lord with all my heart...” We see two commandments in this part of verse one. The first, is to praise the Lord. The English definition of praise is to glorify, attribute perfection, or to render positive judgement on. The root of our English word prize and our word praise is the same. It is to hold God as perfect, to express our approval of, to value Him, and ultimately to glorify Him. Glory is what we will condense this entire passage to, but before that we have to look at the second commandment in this part of verse one.

It says “I will give thanks to the Lord with all my heart...” This means in addition to praising Him we are to give thanks to Him. Now we must make a distinction between praise and thankfulness because we naturally tend to lump the two together. To praise is to express our approval, acceptance, and value of God. To thank Him we must be thankful for something He has done. This however begs a crucial question, thankful for what? This question points to something that has fallen out of modern worship services around the world. We praise God in a general generic way. We thank God but not for anything specifically new. Because of this tendency, society views worship as becoming dry and boring. It becomes the same thing every Sunday. Society will try to renew people's interest in worship by making it fun or exhilarating. Eventually however, the new instruments, musicians, and songs will all become dry and boring and the praise and gratitude is no longer genuine. The problem rests with the fact that we don't praise God for specific new things we've seen, we don't thank Him for new specific things He has done for us. If we praise God for the new beautiful landscape we've seen, if we thank God for the new job we have, if we do both of those with the same old music, worship will be suddenly become what it is meant to be.

Now the words may be the same, but the change takes place in your mind. Now, when I sing praises, I've most recently kept in mind the stunning Pacific ocean I witnessed in the early morning off the Californian coast. The sun coming up over the ridge behind me, long shafts of golden light highlighting aqua blue patches on the ocean span. Such a stunning view I cannot but help being moved each time I think about it. Before that I always thought about the expanse of the Grand canyon and the morning light pouring down onto the walls highlighting the reds, whites, oranges, and purples of the dirt and rock walls. These masterful pieces of God's art are what comes to my mind, specifically different each time I sing praise to God.

I'm never short of new specific things to be thankful for. Even if it is just the specific sins He has forgiven me of, I have never been found scratching my head wondering what did God do for me. These specific new things each time I raise my voice in thankfulness to God rush my mind and clamor for my emotions. That emotion makes the same songs different every time I sing them. The first part of verse one tells us that we should both praise and thank God in our worship. But, verse one goes on to say where and how that thankfulness and praise is to be accomplished.

Verse one continues in reference to our worship, “In the company of the upright and in the assembly.” We are to praise and thank God in the company of the upright, and in the assembly. The first thing to be noted is the difference between doing something with someone or in their company, and doing something before someone or before their assemblance. We are to praise and thank God with those who are upright, and we are to praise and thank God before the “assembly.” The assembly is a rather generic term for a collection of people, in contrast with just the upright. A modern digestion of terms would be we are to praise and thank God with the upright, in front of the public. First it indicates we are to praise and thank Him in groups, in a collection of other worshipers. Thats why the song goes, “with our voices raised we sing praise...” it is our voices that bring Him pleasure. Now that isn't to say we can't or shouldn't praise and thank Him individually, but it sets the predicate for the cooperate worship we have each Sunday morning. We do it, cause He says He enjoys it. In addition, this part of the verse says we are to worship in groups before the public. We are never to conceal our true praise and gratitude of God. To conceal our worship would be to communicate shame of God. When you hide your worship, the very specific things you say are God's great works, the very specific things you thank God for, if you conceal your worship you say you are ashamed of the public knowing about those specific things. That action demonstrates you are ashamed of God. If you are ashamed of God, then He naturally should be ashamed of you, and it doesn't take a lot of imagination to think of what a potter does when He is ashamed of one of His pots. He puts it in the fire to destroy it and to remake it. Now that is verse one.

Verse two outlines the third type of worship we are to practice. It says “Great are the works of the Lord; They are studied by all who delight in them.” Now this passage offers us an initial lead-in to the next verse and we will get to that momentarily, but what type of worship does it specify here. It first says God's works are great, but it says that those who delight in His works are to study His works. As to exactly what His works are is more fully explained in the next verse but for now it is anything He has done or created. Reference back to what I mentioned under our praise. I praise God for His gorgeous works of natural art. If I truly delight in them, then I will study them. I thank God for His acts of forgiveness, if I truly delight in His forgiveness I will study His forgiveness. Nothing more clearly says we are interested or enjoy something than when we study that something. I love guns, knives, weapons and warfare. I study guns, knives, weapons and warfare. I could spend hours shooting a gun or reading about the history of a particular knife. I could enjoy days of reading about battles and fights because I am delighted in those things. If I truly delight in God's works, then I must be willing to study those works. Few things bring more praise to God than for His creatures to spend hours studying what He has created with constant acknowledgement of His design. Scientists honor God when they study trees and insects praising God's unique and intricate design. We are all to honor God in similar way. However, some like me have next to zero interest or delight in science. What then are we to take delight in?

This is where verse three, four, and five gives us some direction. It says, “Splendid and majestic is His work, And His righteousness endures forever. He has made His wonders to be remembered; The LORD is gracious and compassionate. He has given food to those who fear Him; He will remember His covenant forever.” Taking it from the beginning we know that God's works are splendid and majestic. Natural creation is the product of God's work, and it is indeed splendid and majestic. Verse three also points to God's righteousness. Referencing back to the definition of praise, it is the act of attributing perfection. To study and dwell on God's perfection, His justice, His rightness, all of those things would be acts of worship that brings glory to God. Verse four says He has made His works to be remembered. Meaning His all works are not necessarily eternal, but that they will live on in memory. I remember very well both the grand canyon which I saw almost six years ago, and the ocean which I saw some weeks ago. They are forever burned into my memory, grand examples of God's artistic and creative nature. Verse four goes on to mention God's graciousness and compassion. These are, like righteousness, aspects of God's character. These attributes can and should be studied if we truly delight in God. With respect to gratitude verse five mentions His provision for His children. Just like we should study God's natural wonders, God's character attributes, we should study what He does for us and dwell on those things. The second part of verse five says He remember's His covenant, again an attribute of His character. He has made His works to be remembered, to forget is to dishonor what He has done. And again, a dishonorable creation will be destroyed to be rebuilt.

Verse six finally gives us the fourth and final form of worship that Psalm 111 points out. Verse six says, “He has made known to His people the power of His works, In giving them the heritage of the nations.” The first thing to be noted here is the fundamental context of this verse. This is in the context of a system of nations wherein the heritage was where one king, supreme authority, ruled and the people both loved and feared that king. The love and fear they held for their king is much akin to the love and fear we should hold for God. The way a king was supposed to protect and provide for the people out of love and loyalty is much the same way God does protect, provide, and love us. He demonstrated the relationship we are to have to Him through the heritage of the nations. He gave us an analogy of His power through the supreme power of a king. If that is one way God communicates His power to me, through my earthly authority, then that gives me an opportunity to express my love, fear, and loyalty to Him. I can express that love, fear, and loyalty to my earthly authority in an act of praise of God. This above all other forms of worship has been lost by modern society. Partly because of our governmental system, but primarily because of the rebellious nature of mankind. Few if any are interested in fearing our current government. The current attitude tends to be one of, as soon as the government steps outta line I'll blast 'em with my shot gun. However, it must be understood that our actions towards our earthly authority are representative of our works towards the Lord. I don't want to wave a gun or bill of succession in front of my authority any more than I want to wave a gun or bill of succession in front of God. I intend to seize the opportunity reflect my submission, love, fear, and loyalty of God through my actions to my government. This form of worship has become distasteful for my generation to swallow because of the engrained sense of independence from authority. However that sense is in direct contradiction to what God purposed and designed us to be. When we reflect independence from, disregard for, and dishonor to our earthy government, we reflect that towards God. He revealed His works through nations, we reveal our response through our response to those nations. Ephesians six clarifies this beyond question, “Slaves, be obedient to those who are you masters according to the flesh, with fear and trembling, in the sincerity of your heart, as to Christ...” As to Christ, we are to act towards our earthly authorities with sincere fear and with trembling. When we dishonor that government we dishonor our creator. When a pot is dishonorable to the potter, the potter destroys the pot to be rebuilt.

Now like I mentioned at the beginning, we need to reflect beyond what this psalm specifically references. We need to think about the impacts of not fully worshiping God. First we must ask why are we put here on this earth. The answer is found in chapter one of Ephesians where scripture says we were created and purposed for His good pleasure. In simple terms, we exist to please God through what ever means possible. How does God receive pleasure? Ephesians says through the glory we bring Him. How do we glorify God? Psalm one eleven references four specific ways. First, to praise Him. Second, to thank Him. Third, to study what He does and who He is. And fourth, to honor our earthly authorities in an analogy of our honor for Him. By doing this we fulfill our purpose as creations of His.

It is only by fulfilling our purpose that we can hope one day to hear His loving words, Well done thou good and faithful servant, enter into the happiness of thy master...

Blood, Fire, and Judgement

“Who is this who comes from Edom, with garments of glowing colors from Bozrah, this One who is majestic in His apparel, marching in the greatness of His strength? “It is I who speak in righteousness, mighty to save.” Why is Your apparel red, and Your garments like the one who treads in the wine press? “I have trodden the wine trough alone, and from the peoples there was no man with Me. I also trod them in My anger and trampled them in My wrath; and their lifeblood is sprinkled on My garments, and I stained all My raiment. For the day of vengeance was in My heart, and My year of redemption has come. I looked, and there was no one to help, and I was astonished and there was no one to uphold; so My own arm brought salvation to Me, and My wrath upheld Me. I trod down the peoples in My anger and made them drunk in My wrath, and I poured out their lifeblood on the earth.” Isaiah 63:1-6

Every time someone tells me something I say is out of line with God's character, I simply ask what part of His character are they referring to. Since I believe in “Fatalism by Design” the most common attributes of God cited against my theological perspective generally includes the facts that He loves us, He forgives, and He is merciful. When someone says this, I usually ask them how in the world do they think that they have fully comprehended an incomprehensible God? How have they, with a finite brain, comprehended and infinite God? I won't go into the plethora of responses I get to these questions but let me say it here. I do not fully know God, nor will I ever while on this earth. But I recognize the need to bring in every facet of God's character into an inter-dependent, inter-relational, complementary character. The more I understand, the more I love. The more I love, the more I praise. The more I praise, the more I glorify. The more I glorify, the more pleasure I bring Him. The more pleasure I bring Him, the more I fulfill my purpose on this earth. It is for these reasons I find it necessary to recognize and respect every aspect of God's character, even the ones we may not relate to.

Chapter 63 in Isaiah is written in dialog format, Isaiah presumably addressing an unknown person. This unknown person is revealed the very first time “He” (note the capital H) is referenced. Verse one says, “this One who is majestic in His apparel…” The only individual who's name is always capitalized when referred to with pronouns like He, Him, Himself, is God. Thus this passage is a dialog between Isaiah and God. Isaiah boldly addresses God asking, “Who is this who comes from Edom, with garments of glowing colors from Bozrah, this One who is majestic in His apparel, marching in the greatness of His strength?”

In reply God identifies Himself while doing two things. He says “It is I who speak in righteousness, mighty to save.” First God speaks and acts in righteousness, nothing He does is wrong. This is fundamental to comprehending the following verses, that what God does is not wrong, not sin. In addition He prefaces the following verses by reminding us that He saves, who specifically depends on the orientation of their heart, but He is mighty to save none the less and it is significant that God notes this about Himself. Again God has multiple facets to His character, each being complementary to the others.

Isaiah, in a very open manner asks of God, “Why is Your apparel red, and Your garments like the one who treads in the wine press?” It should be noted just how powerful this question is. When someone trod the wine press, they stained not only their pants, but often times the skin of their legs were effectively dyed red from the thick juices of the crushed grapes. This question from Isaiah indicates that God was completely red, stained from something that was obviously not wine, but that was like wine.

God's reply is probably one of the most powerful statements ever issued to humanity. If I had been present when the God issued the following answer, I would be shaking in my boots in pure undiluted fear. God replies in verse 3, “I have trodden the wine trough alone, and from the peoples there was no man with Me.” I want to stop here to point out something important. What follows is God alone, without assistance from man or angel, just Him. God personally attended to what was done without outside help.

He continues to explain what the red is in the second part of the verse. “I also trod them in My anger and trampled them in My wrath; and their lifeblood is sprinkled on My garments, and I stained all My raiment.” If a normal man told me the reason his clothes and skin was soaked red was from human blood I'd probably begin looking for a handy exit. How terrifying is the idea that our all powerful God crushed sinners beneath his feet, trampling them so that their blood soaked His garments. Motivated by anger and wrath God stained all his raiment or all of His clothing in the red blood of sinners.

God doesn't leave Isaiah in terrified bewilderment, as He continues to explain why He trampled and crushed these people. He continues, “For the day of vengeance was in My heart, and My year of redemption has come.” Now when I read this passage the first part made sense, but the second was confusing. Obviously God's wrath and desire for vengeance against the sinners was satiated by His obliteration of their bodies and the spilling of their blood. But, why does God have a year of redemption? The word redemption here is the Hebrew word Ga'al which means to avenge as in renewal. But what about God needed to be renewed? What would be renewed through the action of destroying sinners? The answer to both of these questions is God's sense of justice. God created a world and allowed it to progress for several thousand years, at the end of which His sense of justice needed to be satiated and fulfilled. His justice necessitates that He destroy sinners and sin alike. God's vengeance or personal vendetta against sin was finally fulfilled during the year of the renewal of His justice against sin.

To further stress the point He made previously with respect to the fact that it was Him, and Himself only who did this God says, “I looked, and there was no one to help, and I was astonished and there was no one to uphold…” In other words there wasn't any other person, human, angel, spirit who was able to uphold His justice. Many people, including myself some years ago, contend that God allows the destruction of sinners by letting Satan do the destruction as if Satan was a vicious dog that God let off the leash. Here however God points out that no one else could uphold His sense of justice, no one could assist in the destruction of sinners. He, God of the universe personally attended to this act of destruction of sinners.

If you think this point of God being the only one who did this, He felt it necessary to eradicate any possible doubt that He alone was the one who did this. He says in the latter part of verse five, “So My own arm brought salvation to Me, and My wrath upheld Me.” This verse illustrates that it was God's own arm that did this thing and that it was His wrath that drove Him. In addition it again points to what He pointed out previously with respect to upholding justice. He brought salvation or renewal of His character, and it was His wrath that upheld it.

In case anyone forgot what God did to satiate His desire for vengeance, what He did to uphold His nature of justice, God reminds us in the closing of His statement. In verse six He says, “I trod down the peoples in My anger and made them drunk in My wrath, and I poured out their lifeblood on the earth.” He uses two phrases with respect to the devastation He wreaked on the sinners. The first is the statement that He made them drunk with His wrath. To be drunk with something means that it overwhelms your senses, permeates your being, and has so completely intoxicated you that it dominates your whole body. That God's wrath has intoxicated, inebriated, and permeated the sinner's beings demonstrates the extent of His righteous wrath against sin and sinners. The second is the term “lifeblood”. Anyone who has seen a human or animal stabbed deeply can testify to the difference between the blood that you see when someone nicks themselves and the lifeblood. Life blood is dark and clotty, thick and drips more akin to syrup than water. Although it is a little disgusting to think about, it necessary to understand that it is this blood, the deep core blood that sustains human life that God was crushing out of the sinners, and spilling over the earth.

With these vivid mental pictures of our God soaked and stained in the blood of sinners suddenly begin to wonder, do we really know who our God is? To reconcile this portion of God's character with the tender love and forgiving grace He possesses we must go back to the two reminders He gave us at the beginning of this passage. Firstly, He is righteous or right in what He did. It was justice, it was necessary, and it was proper. Secondly, He saves, forgives, and loves those who follow Him. It is the wild dichotomy between His treatment of those who love and follow Him and His treatment of those who defy Him in sin. One might ask, why don't we as those who love and follow Him just look at the love and forgiveness He extends to us?

This is a perspective that has been propagated by pastors and “theologians” like Joel Osteen who don't feel they need to talk about God's justice, wrath, anger, and violence. My response would be simple. They are looking at half of who God is, and cannot fully appreciate what they are looking at. It is a simple fact that we cannot appreciate being saved from something we don't comprehend. Being snatched from the fire flames of a house fire is made all the more significant when you hear the screams of those not rescued. You have to be so close to the danger that you can smell, taste, and feel the heat of God's wrath which He saved us from. I want as vivid and complete a mental picture of the devastation, death, and destruction of the sinners as possible so I can fully appreciate how vital and important it was that God save me from that same fate.

Why would God do this? Ephesians chapter one says that He created and designed us all for His “good pleasure”. It says we bring Him pleasure through our praise and gratitude both of which bring Him glory. After imagining a God so full of wrath and anger that He has immersed, soaked, and stained Himself in the dark, thick, red blood of His enemies, after imagining that I feel the most real sense of deep gratitude for His saving and forgiving me. This gratitude is expressed in my nightly worship sessions where I sing my heart to my God, and the more grateful and worshipful I am, the more glory He receives.

I must settle one last question with respect to all of this. When speaking with a young woman about God's will she made the statement that if God would deny a human salvation for His own glory and thus pleasure that she wouldn't want to be in a heaven with such a God. The voice of defiance was so strong in her that she dishonored the God who created her. She was incapable of truly submitting herself and her will to God. If that is the person reading this, my sympathy is with you. I stand by God, I will take all the suffering, pain, and trials He gives me that I might honor Him. I will glorify His violent, destructive side in tandem with His love and grace as complementary sides to His nature.

In doing this I honor God, I bring Him glory, I fulfill my purpose. As a consequence, I will hear His loving words as I kneel in tears before His throne, Well done thou good and faithful servant, enter unto the happiness of thy master...

Contentment

“Go then, eat your bread in happiness and drink your wine with a cheerful heart; for God has already approved your works. Let your clothes be white all the time, and let not oil be lacking on your head. Enjoy life with the woman whom you love all the days of your fleeting life which He has given to you under the sun; for this is your reward in life and in your toil in which you have labored under the sun.” Ecclesiastes 9:7-9

Contentment, such a simple word yet such a complex concept. So many strive all their lives, never to find it. How is it at 18 years of age I have found it? I have found it because I have taken the following verses to heart, applied them in my mind, and acted them out with my hands.

Many a suicide has taken place when a person cannot find the answer to why they are here. When lust is spent and contentment lost, all of mankind will come to the same conclusion Solomon came to. All under the sun is vanity... Coming from a man with hundreds of wives and concubines, from the richest, most powerful, most wise man on the face of God's green earth, this statement has to be unsettling to those who have set their hearts on earthly objectives. Yet why am I so content? I am not a king, I am not rich, nor am I wise. How and why have I found contentment?

Two things have instilled this contentment in me. The first is found in the first few verses of this passage in Ecclesiastes. I live my life knowing God has ordained, purposed, and thus approved of my actions. I live in a healthy state, knowing he has predestined my actions, thus nothing which happens worries me. When loss comes around, when fortune leaves, my faith in God arrives, it settles in realer than ever before. This is a joy that many cannot appreciate, and the fear of mistakes separates almost all from contentment.

Secondly, I have followed the recommendation of the wisest man and ruler. I have set my heart on finding and loving a woman who I will protect and serve for all of my fleeting days. At age 14 I set my heart on one young woman, who 4 years later decided she wanted to go to college with her options open. She left me feeling as though I was without purpose, without aim, without contentment. I did not have the full appreciation of God's sovereignty, and had not realized the faithfulness I now rest in. That faith now tells me God has a more wonderful young woman awaiting me in life. I shall patiently wait for her, knowing God intends for me to be preparing for her now.

This preparation is so much more fulfilling knowing she is out there somewhere. As Solomon said, “For this is your reward in life and in your toil in which you have labored under the sun.” The reward for each and every act of responsibility and integrity that I make to build my character is the knowledge that she will appreciate it one day. I will one day kneel before the beautiful destiny God has in store for me. I shall gaze up and tell her that I have been preparing for this moment all my life. It will be all worth it in that moment.

Many men chase contentment in their career, in their hobbies, in their reputation. My career and reputation will be a means to an end, my wife's protection and provision. My hobbies will be what enables me to relate to her and our children. Yes contentment can be found, but one has to look in the right places. Solomon, whom God endowed with the greatest measure of wisdom ever given to a man, says that contentment is found in the knowledge that we serve God with our actions, and in taking pleasure in our wife who God has given us. I will rest in that knowledge, and take pleasure in the woman God designed me for.

In this I fulfill His direction for me on this earth, and when I bow before the Almighty Creator I shall hear His words, Well done thou good and faithful servant, enter into the happiness of thy master...

From One Ridge to the Next

“The day of one's death is better than the day of one's birth.” Ecclesiastes 7:1

Why such a depressing verse? It isn't a depressing verse, in fact one of the most uplifting verses I've read so far. To think that these words are what the wisest man that walked this earth felt compelled to write gives me peace and a sense of joy. Does one look forward to physical death? No, but we do recognize the relief and peace we will have when it comes.

When I received that text from my Sargent, the one which said that I was permanently disqualified from the Army because of the brain anomaly, I felt an indescribable amount of peace. It was a settlement of mind and soul, a sense of calm like none other. I stood there facing the blue Pacific ocean, the ocean chill washing over me, my leather coat blowing in the wind. The sun was just pouring down over my shoulders, and my eyes were cast to the heavens. Oh God how great thou art! To have waited till I stand in such a place as that when my plans came to a end. I felt such a sense of purpose when my plans washed away like the writing in the sand under the waves of God's hand. No regret, no second thoughts, no tears, just peace. I had just watched all my heart had been set on completely taken, and yet I felt such ease and joy that it bewilders the senses. Shouldn't I feel angry at the Army? Should I not feel despair that I can't pay for college? No, anger is for those who hold other creatures God created and controls responsible for their actions. And again no, college is to be paid for by God, in the way He wishes to have it paid for, if it is ever to actually happen. My peace was so complete, and my joy so thorough I can't express the sense of relief that comes in knowing God has taken you for an unexpected turn.

But, if I have learned anything about God, it is that I shall never know His plan till it has passed. Just as the peace and joy of knowing He was leading me away from the Army washed in, word came from my Sargent that I could apply for medical waver. Is this God's will, that I should enter the Army via waver? I don't know, nor do I care. He will lead my heart and soul where He wills. I will walk the path He has set with joy and peace that He set this path.

Solomon recognized the pain and sorrow that can and often is mixed in with that path. So he says, that the day we die is better than the day we are born. It signifies the day our path has come to an end, our service of our God through life is done, and we go to rest in peace in His eternal arms. There can be no greater joy than to lay upon my death bed, and cast my eyes towards the heavens, knowing I will soon rest in the hands of the One. Until then I forge ahead in His world, doing His will, bringing Him glory.

And how great is it until then, that I should have to go from one situation in which I see my complete and total dependance on Him, to another. It is like finding yourself on a precipice, falling in His security to the next precipice only to again feel the dependance on His protection and direction. I strive to live life like this, facing each cliff hanger in life, each steep edge, each and everything life casts my way as an opportunity to trust God with my life and future.

Only if I do this will I kneel before God, with tears of pure joy running down my cheeks, my heart weeping as His melodious voice washes over me saying, Well done thou good and faithful servant, enter into the joy of thy master...