Edge of a Knife

“Then Job arose, and rent his mantle, and shaved his head, and fell down upon the ground, and worshiped, and said, Naked came I out of my mother's womb, and naked shall I return thither: the Lord gave, and the Lord hath taken away; blessed be the name of the Lord. In all this Job sinned not, nor charged God foolishly.”

What if... What if possessing one thing could get a person the college education that they had always dreamed about? What if possessing that same thing would also be their ticket to getting into the career they had always wanted? What if that same thing, once in their possession, would most likely lead to them forming a solid foundation for a family with a wonderful young woman they had met? Now imagine if that one thing was taken from that person. Not only was it taken away, but it was taken for no legitimate reason. They were deprived of their dream on no justifiable basis. What then?

Over the past month or more, I have focused my life on signing up with the Texas Army National Guard. If I join I will be given 100% scholarship to the college I wish to attend, I will be given a shining star on my resume in the law enforcement community, and I have begun to build the solid foundation I will need to be able to begin courtship with a godly young woman. Yet all of this seems to hinge on the prospect of joining the Army. Recently my recruiter contacted me with news, that given the current level of medical documentation I had been permanently disqualified from service in the U.S. Armed Forces. The grounds were cited as “Potential Central Nervous Disorder”, specifically suspicions that I might have epilepsy.

At the beginning of 2007 I began passing out with regularity. So regularly in fact that my parents became concerned and had me taken to the family physician, who in turn recommended I be seen by a Neurological specialist. We went to that specialist, who recommended two brain scans and a heart scan. The heart scan came first, confirming that it had nothing to do with my heart. After the first brain scan the analysis said it was either epilepsy or developmental syncope, and in addition there was an venous anomaly in the frontal left lobe of my brain. The anomaly is quiet common, associated with cerebral venous drainage. That cerebral venous drainage is part of the normal function of the brain, and poses no threat to any function of the central nervous system. The second brain scan confirmed that it was not epilepsy, and the advice from the doctor was to drink more water and consume more salt. After this last doctor visit I began drinking large amounts of water and taking salt tablets for a few weeks. I never passed out again.

When I submitted my medical exam I was asked if I had ever had a period of dizziness or passing out, and I almost didn't check it. The entire issue was from four years ago and had never reappeared. Feeling the need to be completely honest I went ahead and checked it. It started out as an incidental “I need a doctor's note”, and turned into a full scale medical investigation. I went back to the Neurologist and he diagnosed me clear of syncope, and said specifically that no restrictions apply to me. The Army was not satisfied. So upon their request I sent the original diagnosis, the heart and the first brain scan. This resolved the question regarding syncope, but now epilepsy and the brain anomaly are in question. Despite the Neurologists assurances that I am neurologically sound, the army physicians are not satisfied. My last option is send the second brain scan to the Army and hope against hope that they will accept me after that documentation is in.

As it stands, I may loose everything I have hoped for the future. It all depends on the army physician's opinion on my neurological state because regardless of what the neurological specialist says, the final word is theirs to give. Feeling that your whole future is balancing on the edge of a knife is an extremely uncomfortable feeling. When I think of the work and effort I have put into this, the sweat, toil and tears, it breaks my heart to think I might loose it all. Looking for comfort I could only do but one thing, turn to scripture.

The passage of Job is most applicable. Here is a man who is living his daily life, unaware of the conversation between God and Satan, then suddenly his family starts dying like flies and his property gets stolen overnight. He is left the next day sitting in ashes with nothing but his faith to his name. Yet what did this great man of God do? Despite the fact that what was happening was unfair, unexplained, and unprecedented from his perspective, he praised God. His words so clearly rang with truth, demonstrating a wise perspective. “Naked came I out of my mother's womb, and naked shall I return thither: the Lord gave, and the Lord hath taken away; blessed be the name of the Lord” Job knew he came into this world with nothing, and he will leave this world with nothing. Even if Job was to adopt a self centered mindset, he recognized that he didn't loose anything he would later. However, he did not have a self centered mindset. He says, “The Lord gave, and the Lord hath taken away.” Job recognized how God Himself was the true owner of Job's family and possessions, and that Job didn't have any right to assert a claim over them. Finally Job crowns his statements with the most beautiful summary, “Blessed be the name of the Lord.” What more could be said? God gave Job a family and abundant amounts of possessions for years, and Job had the honor to own all of it for those years. Would it not be right to acknowledge the blessing someone gave you when they lent you a car for several years?

I look at my situation, seeing the dreams God has given me dissipate. I realize the difficulties I will face paying for college, gaining employment with epileptic findings from the U.S. Army, and my mind wants to shrivel up and die. God may yet resolve this situation, God may not. No matter what happens I am resolved that after the final word has been given, the final finding been found, I will bow my head in prayer and bless God for the path He has set before my feet. I will walk that path however painful to His glory.

I will walk that path with confidence that when I breath my last, and I arrive before my creator and God, I will hear those sweet words... “Well done thou good and faithful servant, enter into the happiness of thy Master...”

Why is tradition and common knowledge, traditional and common?

Matthew 12:1-6 “At that time Jesus went on the sabbath day through the corn; and his disciples were an hungered, and began to pluck the ears of corn and to eat. But when the Pharisees saw it, they said unto him, Behold, thy disciples do that which is not lawful to do upon the sabbath day. But he said unto them, Have ye not read what David did, when he was hungered, and they that were with him; How he entered into the house of God, and did eat the shewbread, which was not lawful for him to eat, neither for them which were with him, but only for the priests? Or have ye not read in the law, how that on the sabbath days the priests in the temple profane the sabbath, and are blameless? But I say unto you, That in this place is one greater than the temple.”

I cannot describe the despair I feel when I give a speech, and smiling adults step up to me afterward with the same words of insight. Good passion, excellent presentation, but with time you will learn that we are right and you are simply inexperienced. Now, I'm not so arrogant as to think I have gotten everything straight at age eighteen; nor am I so self-righteous that I will not see the other side of an argument. However, what I will never be able to do is to accept tradition because it is tradition, or the words “it is commonly accepted” as valid. Why? Because I want to know why tradition became tradition, and what experience has lead everyone to accept what they accept. Only in fact and scripture will I base my perspective.

I recently competed in the right to life oratory contest, where I placed third at the state competition. I have become a very sincere and passionate speaker through my four years of public speaking, and with the grace of God I have become a very successful speaker. The speech I had written and presented pertained to the pro-life approach to fighting the practice of abortion. I asserted in my speech, based on historical fact and current evidence, that attempting to end the practice of abortion through politics is ultimately a waste of time; rather the only way to succeed is by seeing a reform in the ethical guidelines and moral principles by which our society operates. At the end of my speech I summarized by saying that if we could all completely ignore politics and focus on the hearts and minds of the American people, we could see reform and as a result abortion would end without government intervention or involvement. My audience appreciated my speech very much, and considered it one of the best presented. However, my judges didn't agree and when I got the ballots back it became clear why. All three of my judges were political activists, all three assisted in the drafting of legislation and lobbying for governmental candidates, and while all three gave me perfect scores on presentation, I got almost nothing on content. They all said on the ballots that, in effect, they outright disagreed with what I had to say. The common phrase on all three of the ballots was “In time you'll understand.”

Now when an adult, especially a judge, tells me I am wrong I always go back to what I've said to evaluate where my flaw in judgment is. If I can find nothing, then I go back to what they have said and evaluate where in their line of logic might there be a flaw. In this case the flaw was in the fact that all three of my judges suffered from what is called “statistical illusion.” They all three agreed that abortion has continued to decline and thus political activism must be working. However these statistics show not less women choosing abortion as opposed to giving birth to an unwanted child, but less women facing that question entirely. Advancements in contraceptive technology have reduced unwanted pregnancies by huge margins, and thus reduced the issue of abortion entirely. If you evaluate just the number of women facing the question of what to do with an unwanted child, far and away more women choose abortion now than did fifteen years ago, in fact now roughly 4 in 10 unwanted pregnancies will be aborted in today’s society.

In this entire issue the voice of experience was backed by poor research and partial facts. Now this will never be a guiding principle, and I will always assume myself wrong when questioned by an elder; However assuming tradition is right because it has become tradition, assuming an adult is right because they have been around the block more than once, these assumptions must be recognized as what they are, assumptions. Ultimately they will never lead to true understanding, even if they have come to the right conclusion.

My second eldest brother is much more willing to accept adult's opinions in assuming they are right without proof. To an extent I envy him, my mind constantly asks why has this adult developed this opinion. The principle reason I envy him is because I am all to often seen as a young man who simply won't accept what is, “common knowledge.” I do not wish to be regarded in that light. What I see is what is in scripture. The Jewish hierarchy had traditions based in hundreds of years of “experience”, yet after Christ died they did not change what they did. Why? Had more Jews focused on the scripture on which their traditions were founded and less on the laws and traditions passed down, would they have more easily recognized the Son of Man? This gives us a clear example of why we must know why we hold tradition as valuable, and must ask the experienced why they hold to what they believe. 1'st Peter 3:15 says “be ready always to give an answer to every man that asketh you a reason of the hope that is in you with meekness and fear.” First and foremost it must be recognized that we, especially those who are younger, must express meekness when giving forth our reason for belief. However, it is everyone's scriptural responsibility to be able and willing to give reasons for believing what ever they believe.

I have been around the block and back when it comes to saying what is right, verses saying what is popular. I have been ridiculed, made fun of, rejected, and judged for being so dogmatic about what I believe. Until I'm shown scripture or shown physical evidence I will always hold to what I believe. While the voices of experienced individuals will always cause me to go back and review what I believe, I will stay with what I believe until I am shown to be wrong.

As the example in Matthew showed, the pharisees knew the traditions they believed in, they just didn't understand why the traditions had become tradition. They spoke with the authority of years of experience, but apparently hadn't profited by that experience. Christ as a child was teaching, and as a young adult was questioning ancient tradition. Many people will say “well that is Christ, not you” and to an extent they are partially right. However we must keep in mind Christ took on flesh, came to our earth to show that as a man what He and our heavenly Father expect of man is possible for us through His spirit. While I do not expect to be teaching in my church at age 13, I do expect to emulate Christ, and to that end I will always search for the reason “why” when it comes to tradition or commonly accepted knowledge.

It is said that good judgment comes from experience, and a lot of that comes from bad judgment. Albert Einstein said that a smart man will learn from his mistakes, a true genius will learn from other men's mistakes. I will always and ever strive to develop good judgment by accumulating the knowledge of experience from those older than me. However, that experience without understanding the facts and evidence behind it is ultimately as useful as an empty gun in a gun fight. Again, in 1'st Peter God tells us to prepare the reasons “why” we believe what we believe. Saying “it is traditional” or “my parents told me” doesn't cut it in the real world. I intend to fulfill my Lord God's commandment, and find out “why” I believe what I believe.

If I fulfill this commandment in accordance with the other commandments He has given me, I expect to hear Him say “well done thou good and faithful servant, enter into the happiness of thy Master...”

Fairness

Matthew 20:15 “Is it not lawful for me to do what I wish with what is my own?”

As I was reading scripture over a cup of warm coffee, I was surprised at the revelations God gave me. This is not surprising. Nothing shows me how little I've learned, than to learn from scripture. I was reading through Matthew 20, where Jesus is giving the parable of the laborers in the vineyard. In this parable, the master of the vineyard hires laborers to work till the end of the day in exchange for one denarius as payment. Throughout the day the master continues hiring more men to work till the end of the day, at the same agreed amount of one denarius. When payment time comes, those who worked all day long got paid the same as those who had worked but an hour before sundown. These all day workers grumbled asking exactly what I would ask of this employer. If these guys worked for one hour, why are they getting the same as me, who has worked all day long? The master replies in verse fifteen, “Is it not lawful for me to do what I wish with what is my own?” It is clear the master in this parable represents God, and we represent the laborers. This passage for me did two things. Firstly it provided the crown jewel of scriptural validation of one of my greatest theological and philosophical questions. Secondly, it illustrated a tragic tendency in today’s society.

Both things this verse did for me were intertwined. Over the past few months I have taken up a battle with the concept of fairness. I have vehemently oppose the thought that fairness has any sort of legitimate basis. I believe the principle flaw in the concept of fairness is that it relies on the concept of equality. The problem with the concept of equality is it doesn't hold true when God is evaluated. Man is not equal with God, just like clay figurines crafted in the likeness of their sculptor are not equal to their sculptor. Because man is not equal to God, most of what God intends to happen cannot be considered fair, and thus if we believe in fairness we will have trouble in accepting God's will. The raw truth is that God is not fair. Yes, I said it, and I'll say it again. “God... is... not... fair...” And yes, you may quote me on that. God has every obligation to us humans as we have to our clay pots. One of my fondest childhood memories was creating battle fields of plastic army men, planting firecrackers under the dirt, and blowing the unfortunate “Tans” into plastic confetti. Was this not fair to the tans? No it wasn't fair, but it wasn't wrong to blow them up. They were plastic figurines, designed to be expended for my entertainment, which in my case required their destruction. Is this sinful to create something to destroy it? Absolutely not if you are God. Paul says in Romans 9:13-15, “As it is written, Jacob have I loved, but Esau have I hated. What shall we say then? Is there unrighteousness with God? God forbid. For he saith to Moses, I will have mercy on whom I will have mercy, and I will have compassion on whom I will have compassion.” Verses 21 and 22 are even more clear on the issue of plastic army men. “Hath not the potter power over the clay, of the same lump to make one vessel unto honor, and another unto dishonor? What if God, willing to shew his wrath, and to make his power known, endured with much long-suffering the vessels of wrath fitted to destruction.” Just as I have the right to make explodable tan and glorious green army men from the same lump of plastic, so God has the right to create and destroy mankind. This is our God. This is the same God that ordered Joshua and his army to march through out the promise land killing every single man, woman, and child – no exceptions. Fortunately for us little clay pots, or in my analogy plastic army men, God loves us with such a deep love that we cannot comprehend, much more than I loved my tan army men. However, he has every right to expend us for His glory and good pleasure. He has no obligation to adhere to any concept of fairness or equality, no matter how dogmatic mankind is that fairness is legitimate.

Fairness is a nearly universal societal misunderstanding. When fairness becomes central to someone's perspective it becomes very hard for them to rationalize how God decides to run planet earth. This perspective has all kinds of negative impacts ranging from bitterness to rebellion. Worse than either of these reactions is when people artificially change their perception of God to fit their concept of fairness. Pastor Rob Bell of Grand Rapids Michigan has redefined God so much that Bell doesn't believe God will condemn people to hell. Don't be shocked, this is a natural conclusion to come to. After all, why not? What right does God have to condemn mankind to eternal punishment? My first question when I heard this was to wonder, how did society come to the conclusion that God doesn't have the right to condemn man to hell? This is the society trend Matthew chapter 20 clarified for me. I saw this trend taking place in the last place I thought I would find it.

I found this trend taking place at a Christian home school debate tournament in the midst of a theological debate. I sat, surrounded by ten to fifteen young men and women, debating whether or not God designed man intending them to go to hell (I'm still drafting my post on what and why I believe on this topic). After forty five minutes of intense debate, and scripture spread as thick as blood on a battle field, I left a group of young people all with the same argument in defense of their theological positions. “It can't be, it just can't...” How did fifteen of the smartest young people our country has to offer, many of whom were involved in apologetic competition, come to the place that their fundamental theological perspective was based on “It just can't be...” The reason is the same reason that the child's game “Telephone” is so entertaining.

In Telephone, children sit in a circle and someone comes up with a phrase. The phrase is whispered into the person who sits to the right of the phrase author, and that person whispers it to the person next to them. The message circulates from child to child, from lisp to stutter, from accent to poorly hearing ear, until it arrives at the last child who says what he or she heard. The message is invariably garbled and the degree to which the message has become garbled makes it all the more hilarious. Now imagine a parent passing their theological perspective to their child, without the scriptural basis for each and every step. If the parent leaves out one step, the child will carry on that theological perspective to their child and likely drop another step of scriptural support. As this horrifying inter-generational game of telephone progresses a generation of children are handed theological perspectives which are incomplete, unsupported, inconsistent, and garbled. To make this worse, our society begins to question these youngsters who are left saying “it just can't be...” because beyond that they have no clue why, and many times what, they believe.

As these students looked at me like I had gone mad since I had said that God isn't fair, I could only say one thing. I told them all to scrap what ever they had been told, if they couldn't find scriptural support for it. A loaded gun is a good bluff until an atheist walks up to you to see if its loaded. I have talked with professors, doctorates in philosophy, atheists, Muslims, Hindus, Catholics, Mormons, and all have shown themselves to be substantially better prepared to defend what they believe than most young Christians I know. When they start shooting at what I believe, I've got a loaded theological perspective and I'm willing to shoot until they drop or run. What kind of load do I have in my theological gun? The only deadly bullets, scripture. Saying “my parents/pastor said” is like shooting blanks at an angry mob, you might scare some off, but the majority will over run you.

This trend has culminated to a point that God is confined to a position where society requires Him to respect human rights, insists He is fair, and where society asks how can He exist when a hurricane wipes out whole people groups? This trend can only be cured when scripture is prescribed three or more times a day. I was over joyed to bring some of my friends full circle in their perspective of God, and to resolve in my heart a long standing battle. God has given me my life to live, and I am to make the most of it. He has not given me riches, but He has given me many talents. I am responsible to use these talents to the best of my ability. I will not question God, nor will I be ungrateful. My purpose on this earth is to glorify Him, and bring Him pleasure. I can only do that by doing as He designed me to do.

Only then will I hear His words of approval when I die, Well done thou good and faithful servant, enter into the happiness of thy master...

 

Not Earthly Confidence

Self Confidence...

Matthew 15:21-28 “Jesus went away from there, and withdrew into the district of Tyre and Sidon. And a Canaanite woman from that region came out and began to cry out, saying, “Have mercy on me, Lord, Son of David; my daughter is cruelly demon-possessed.” But He did not answer her a word. And His dsciples came and impored Him, saying, “Send her away, because she keeps shouting at us.” But He answered and said, “I was sent only to the lost sheep of the house of Israel.” But she came and began to bow down before Him, saying, “Lord, help me!” And He answered and said, “It is not good to take the children's bread and throw it to the dogs.” But she said, “Yes Lord; but even the dogs feed on the crumbs which fall from their masters' table.” Then Jesus said to her, “O woman, your faith is great; it shall be done for you as you wish.” And her daughter was healed at once.”

While many people who might read what I write here, and be able to fully grasp what is meant by these verses, God put a hood over my understanding with respect to this scripture. Every verse I have ever read has made sense; made sense in the context of the rest of scripture. This verse was a mystery to me. Why would Christ, who came to save all the world, refuse to speak with, let alone help a Canaanite woman.

This passage was powerful to me, and not because I understood what it meant; because I didn't know what it meant. For so long confidence has characterized who I am. It is present in every aspect of my character and has in many ways made me successful. My confidence in my speaking, my confidence in my thought, my confidence in my writing, all of it has awed peers, judges, and teachers. This awe often times turn to praise and like a dog rewarded for a trick I have made confidence an ingrained part of my personality. Although it is one of my greatest strengths, it is one of my greatest weaknesses as well. Confidence in how I communicate my thoughts in debate has again and again hidden the truth and distracted from the facts. This confidence has brought success when I deserved defeat, has brought me praise when I should receive scorn. I have had judges walk up to me, shake my hand and congratulate me on a job well done when I know that what I did was skillful rhetoric which blinded them to the truth the other debaters were trying to bring out. This confidence has also affected my relationship with my parents, preventing me from communicating properly with them. This verse has brought me to a startling halt when it comes to my ability to discern the meaning in scripture. For so long I rested confident in my ability to read and understand scripture. That confidence came to a shattering halt when I read this passage. I often imagined myself giving a ten minute mini sermon on any verses handed to me. Yet if I had been handed these, I would have come up empty handed.

I sat for hours trying to decipher the meaning of this passage, refusing in my mind to go to others to find the answer. The more context to the situation I read, the more back ground I dug up, the less I understood. Jesus had come to this earth to wipe away the line that separated the House of Israel from the gentiles, and yet here a gentile comes to Him and He refuses to even speak with her until she demonstrated faith. Obviously Christ as fully God had the capability to see into her soul, yet He did not. Why? I came to the conclusion, that I would not be able to come to a conclusion. I laid down the bible, closed my eyes and thanked God for showing me how small my skills really are. I thanked Him for demonstrating to me how my confidence in my life was misplaced.

I went to my father, and my favorite elder and spoke with them. The answer made me smile at the irony God had worked in my life through this passage. They explained how Christ effectively tested the faith of this woman, and I realized while Christ indeed had the power to see through her the test forced her to make her faith real. Similar to how I feel I could stand in front of a gun and proclaim my undying faith to God, it is not until that faith is put to the test that it becomes real to myself in a whole new way. It was for her benefit that Christ put her through the test, even though He could have simply known that her faith was indeed real. In the same way Christ tested me. He brought me to a point of realization of a truth I had not seen before. Now yes, Christ could have opened my eyes to the meaning of the passage, but by forcing me to go for help He accomplished much more. He broke a perspective of confidence in my heart and mind. One which has done more damage to my life than most all other struggles I have.

I thank God for His work in my life...